Great Mother's Milk, what have I done?

I've taken the hospitality of a good man and abused it terribly. I've alienated his eccentric Executive Officer for the sake of my own selfish goals. I've been bitchy and rude to everyone in sight.

I see it all so clearly now. Something in that cursed water has transformed my body to perfectly Caitian. I always knew I was a little slow on the uptake with a few subjects, but with diligence and hard work and... Who am I kidding? I slept my way through school!

My whole life, a lie, and now I see it clearly. This supposed curse is perhaps the most perfect gift I've ever received. Before my change I was a creature of almost pure instinct, I wouldn't even call it true sentience, but more a veiled mockery of it. I was little more than a talking Kzinrette who could pretend to be a functional member of society. No, that's not true. I was sentient, but only in an analytical sense. All those primal instincts were so close to the surface, so close I couldn't control them, and couldn't tell right from wrong.

And I've done so much wrong. I cannot seek out the cure for this...gift. I must keep it. I must embrace it. I must give back all I've taken and make my apologies and set a proper example. I must also tell my cub's father of his fatherhood, no matter the consequences. No matter how well or poorly he'll take the news, especially after so long.

But what of my brother and his bizarre motives? My mother had had a profound influence on him, at least indirectly. All of her notes and books and private letters had found their way into his hands and transformed him as dramatically as this water of life transformed me. He killed father and took his place. He's been petitioning the Federation for full membership for the Hegemony, if only to head off internal warfare for the sake of war. Kzin society has changed so little despite the lessons presented to them. The Patriarchy will not listen, but my brother does, thanks to M'Rander of Cait...

What does he want from me now? I gave him all he needed to begin his master race, and my sons and daughters grow strong, most especially the four I bore myself. The girls are still a little stupid, like cubs of ten forever, but with work Kzinrettes will in a few generations be restored to full sentience. I suppose for now it will just be a pack of silly girls swapping cookies and running around naked.

What do you want from me Maarcuz Riit?