Things I've learned:
- Trying to win a man's love and respect through sex does not work.
- When a man says he loves your redecorating his room, he's lying.

There's a revelation in and of itself. Men lie.

That explains so much about so many things. All the excuses I've heard, all the times I've been cast aside, all the times they didn't do what they said they would do, or would do the opposite. It's very clear they weren't after my decorating skills at all but my other more intimate skills; that is until they grew bored cast and me aside for someone else. Goddess I feel so stupid and used.

Compare and contrast: Maarcuz Riit and Milton Dammers. Both bluntly honest males, both named, well Milton carries the title of Heart of Tiger so his name is recognized. Ironically, R'Merr holds the same title. Go figure. Well here goes. Maarcuz Riit, an upwardly mobile successful male with drive and ambition. Milton Dammers, talented and a quick study with no real successes of yet but I anticipate changes in this area. I think I can help him along with my connections. Maarcuz Riit, overcame his size and strength disadvantage in the Kzin Hierarchy with cunning and patience. Milton Dammers, overcomes obstacles with the ease and grace befitting a Hero. Maarcuz Riit mocks my piety as silly superstition. Milton Dammers has the Goddess smiling on him. Maarcuz Riit bullies me into making agreements when I'm at my most vulnerable. Milton Dammers makes reasonable requests to just leave his stuff alone. Good Goddess Milton is starting to make the brother I've loved all my life look like an idiot. No wonder the Goddess wishes me to be Milton's mate, he's the last decent man in the galaxy.

The sari didn't work. Well, it worked on Captain Clueless and if it worked on him but not Milton I wonder if he's sterile or something. I'll have to order a medical exam to gauge the effects of his cryo stay. I'll still keep saris in my wardrobe, they're probably the most comfortable and elegant thing I've ever worn without having to stoop to looking Caitian.

It's a big sigh but I'm afraid he's still calling me by my proper name. I'm still doing something wrong. I remember what he told me, to go slowly if I want to be his friend. But if I want to be his bride? I must tread most carefully. Go slowly he said. I will do so, in fact I will give up the chase entirely so he may pursue me. I'll use a random number generator to determine my response to his advance. If the number is odd, and I will refuse and hide so he will have to seek, and if the number is even, I will acquiesce but be evasive so that he will have to chase. Should he find or catch me I will lavish upon him the rewards of the hunt, should he fail he will have to chase again. Beware Milton, I am fleet of foot and I hide in the tall grass. To you dedicate this hunt. Let's see if the old axiom "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" holds true. Yes I'll let him pursue me and when he pounces I'll prepare him a feast befitting a Patriarch. I wonder how he likes his desert... ::purr::